Abyss.

There I go again…

Can’t you all see as I pretend to be okay.

I’ll smile since there is not much to say.

To that deep abyss I go, yes I’ll be on my way.

Not many words to say much more to write. I come here because there is no wrong or right. Only feeling and emotion.

All of my insight.

A dark place I go so I can find my light.

Another journey in my mind finding that knowledge I’ve had all along has me begin to feel inclined. So wise.

Who am I trying to convince? Me or you?

I’m only human, full of flaws, scars and broken promises.

I’ll rise to the surface one day.

I’ve been lost in my old ways, I’m sorry.

Honestly, there is no excuse portray.

I’ll breath in that fresh air and feel that love that will never compare.

Be prepared, I’m not scared.

I’m one of a kind, so rare.

Not perfect but will prove to you that I am up for each and every challenge.

I’m up for each and every date.

Signed,

ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH.

Responsibilities Taken By A King

Friday, May 12th 2017; 12:15pm 
Personally, there has been a huge change in me. In my attitude, my drive and my mood. I am motivated. 

Man, I really had myself believing I was doing better and changing..
All that talk, that’s all it was. I made promises I know I couldn’t follow through with. How pathetic, believing all of my own lies. 

Hurting my wife was all I was doing, I really do and always have loved her; I always will. 
Consumed by my selfishness has built walls between my wife and I. 
I am at fault, I always have been. 

I ran out of sorry ass excuses, I ran out of boundaries of my wife’s trust. 

I never want her to feel insecure, unconfident or ever hate herself. 

There is blood in my hands, so much blood. 
I pointed the finger elsewhere when she asked about the crimson red blood on my hands..

This blood is crimson red from all of he lies, excuses and betrayal. 
I pointed and. Lanes things that were transparent, just made up. 

Finally, I have pointed out the true villain. A finger dripping with blood pointed directly at the man in the mirror. 
It saddens me coming to realize how much destruction I have caused. 
The pain I caused to the one I truly love from the selfishness, addiction and neglectfulness really just struck me down. 

I can’t say I feel your pain baby, but I am done with causing you pain. 
We are a whole, to finally have open eyes and see how numb I have been to all the hurt that I have caused you left me in a state of despondent. 

I am disappointed in myself, I am angry with myself. I should be but I will not allow myself to did this hole I let myself get trapped into.
I’m done talking to myself, I am done feeling sorry for myself.

All that talk were just words spoken with untruthfulness. It’s a shame. 
It’s a real shame. 

It really made me happy to hear you say that you actually see progress.
There may be change but I know I must walk the walk. 

If I do talk I must follow up with walking upon those words I say. 

I wasn’t putting in so much effort into our marriage which only is leading you to feel gassed out. 
I’m sorry it took this long…

It takes two, together we need to put effort into us. Let me show you I can take that extra weight you have been carrying around. Let me show you I am the one. 
I am the one here to show you that will put in my part and extra if I have to.
I only want to help my wife, my marriage. 

You want life to be simple, I will do my best to do so being one of the most complex human beings. 
Simple is how life should be, I really made things so much more complicated than they really were. 

I hope I have shown more progress, I hope I have been following through with what I say. 
I’m not perfect, I know that and you don’t expect perfection. 
You need honesty, affection, love and care. I’m doing my best, in so over “trying” now, I am doing. 

I have made mistakes and will make more but I will give you all of the things needed in a marriage. 
You’re my main priority, my number one. My queen will reign in our kingdom with a king that has taken responsibility for his mistakes, whether they be minor or major.
I will give maximum effort into building our kingdom together. In our marriage I only hope there be growth. 
My queen, don’t let go, I’m still holding on so tightly…
Signed, 
ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH. 

 

I Am Only TheMessenger 

Im trying to spread my words! Not only does writing help me but I hope maybe it might help others! 
Honestly i’m not always positive but thats okay. Life is all ups and downs. How you look at life is crucial. 
Yes, the world is a fucked up place but that depends on how you view it. 

I want to be the messenger to those who want/need to look at life differently. 
I don’t want people to think I have all these answers or that I am doing what is right or even think that I’m superior. 
I want to be that voice in your head when you read my words, gently whispered, only leaving an echo. 
I am the messenger, I am the voice. My thoughts, my opinions, my life written in words for my own therapy. 
In my words as I write, I hear the voice in my head. In my words read by whomever, is only heard in their own voice in their head. They have their own opinions. 
You can agree or disagree, my writings may influence those who read. That’s not the reason why I write. I write because it influences me, it drives me and ultimately it motivates me. 
This is my therapy, this is my outlet. So much can influence you, but only you can be the one to execute whatever it may be. 
I found my voice, with the voice of a messenger I will whisper an idea gently, leaving an echo lingering in your mind. 
An echo of influence.
Will that echo influence that voice in your head to believe in yourself? Will that gentle echo dissipate to your own voice, flooding out all that self doubt? 
I’m only a messenger, my words are engraved stepping stones. It is only up to you if you take those steps or not. 
Signed, 
ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH. 

All I Ever Wanted To Be. 

I can write a love letter. 
I can write a love song. 
But I need to write something that is better, something that doesn’t sound so wrong.
Play an acoustic, maybe a beat. 
I need to get with it, make something sound neat. I need to make my sound complete, nothing like me sounding like I’m at defeat.
I can tell a story about love, just falling right into love. But I have my whole life to do these things, to explain love completely. 

This isn’t a rant about love, it’s about life. All the strife and all I’ve seen and everything in between. 
So look, I’m a person, a human being just trying to live with what I have and do what I can. Even if it sounds wrong I know my words will live on.
They call me, ThoseMeaningfulWords, what a gift, yet I think it’s nothing but thoughts that are a blessing and a curse. 

Good or bad, whatever your opinions are. I’m feeling, I’m feeling something. All these emotion, feelings and all. 
In life I will fail; In life I will succeed. Through it all I will achieve all I ever wanted to be. 

Signed,
ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH.

Dream or Reality? 

As you lay, so quietly next to me, I listen to each breath you take as if I’m keeping count. Focused in, baby snores from time to time causing me to get a silly smirk as I lightly chuckle.

TV has been background noise, too curious about the place you’ve gone to. As I play with your hair your eyes crack open ever so slightly but you’re on auto pilot, still asleep.
You’re safe, dream on my precious, when you wake Its another chance to seize whatever you dream to achieve.

Inhale, exhale. It’s like a metronome. I pull you in close, breathe you in and realize we are synced. Heart beat is calm and in rhythm, as your breathing stays a beautiful melody.

Eyes begin to get heavier and heavier.
Moments later, the alarm goes off.

Was that all a dream? Or is reality much more memorable than my dreams now? In dreams or in reality, the force of my attraction to you is so strong making dreams and reality one in the same.

Signed,

ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH.

Author To The Manual Of Life.

Being up to par with society or others standards shouldn’t be a thing you should ever contemplate.

You have your own opinion. You have a choice.
Build your own empire and experience the things here.
Embrace the opportunities given to us, we all have a choice to reach our full potential. 

Do not shy away from opportunities that seem intimidating or have you second guessing yourself. You know what you want, you know what you need.
There will always be obstacles throughout this journey, these obstacles are the things that actually help us grow and learn.

Others may say what is right and what is wrong but no one is living the same life.
No ones reality is the same, so who are they to say what is right from wrong.
Society/Media can set their “standards” for whatever they think beautiful is.
Whatever is cool, creative and what EVERYBODY is doing.

Do not fall in line.
Do not fall for what someone else thinks what you should do, think or believe.
There are too many people that want to fit in, fall right into the hole Society dug up for those that are insecure. Now they are stuck with the Media; seems to be reruns of nothing but false pretenses.

You have a mind of your own, use it.
You have your own emotions, opinions and choice in life. There is no manual to this temporary trip here on earth. Don’t listen to those who were given the same empty book full of only blank pages, just like you were given.

Why aren’t there any words?

I asked the same thing. While you become frustrated and sit around waiting for someone to tell you what to do and how to do it on each and every page, I went and found myself a pen and began writing.

The only difference is the one given to me now consists of paragraphs filled with nothing but raw emotion, personal opinions and thoughts. Scribbled chicken scratch, yes but i scribbled that chicken scratch.

I am the author.

As they speak condescendingly to you, reciting those memorized scribbles from “their” manual which aren’t even their own, just listen to them.
Sounds crazy right? Why would anyone want to be spoken to in such a way or even bother putting yourself in a position that is possibly confrontational.

I’m not afraid to listen to whoever about whatever.
You won’t believe or agree with everything i think, say or do.
I won’t believe or agree with everything you think, say or do.
A discussion between two individuals with different beliefs, opinions, emotions and lifestyle may be conflicting but knowledgeable.

In conclusion, Society/Media will always be there, doing their thing.
Don’t conform, you are an individual. You are in control.
Listen well to others, respond accordingly and have an interactive conversation or argument. You may learn something, relate to somethings or even help someone.
Even if that someone is yourself.

I am the author.
No matter how many times you see my scribbled out words, misspelled words and torn out pages just know that is what i wrote or didn’t to be written.
Yes, i have influences that drive me to write this manual of my life.

I listened up, had many conversations.
Human interactions, experiences and relationships are the key to growth in this life.

Society/Media are having you hit copy and paste into your manual.Don’t be a word in that plagiarized manual. Be your own author, write your own story.

Signed,

ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH.