Friday, May 12th 2017; 12:15pm
Personally, there has been a huge change in me. In my attitude, my drive and my mood. I am motivated.
Man, I really had myself believing I was doing better and changing..
All that talk, that’s all it was. I made promises I know I couldn’t follow through with. How pathetic, believing all of my own lies.
Hurting my wife was all I was doing, I really do and always have loved her; I always will.
Consumed by my selfishness has built walls between my wife and I.
I am at fault, I always have been.
I ran out of sorry ass excuses, I ran out of boundaries of my wife’s trust.
I never want her to feel insecure, unconfident or ever hate herself.
There is blood in my hands, so much blood.
I pointed the finger elsewhere when she asked about the crimson red blood on my hands..
This blood is crimson red from all of he lies, excuses and betrayal.
I pointed and. Lanes things that were transparent, just made up.
Finally, I have pointed out the true villain. A finger dripping with blood pointed directly at the man in the mirror.
It saddens me coming to realize how much destruction I have caused.
The pain I caused to the one I truly love from the selfishness, addiction and neglectfulness really just struck me down.
I can’t say I feel your pain baby, but I am done with causing you pain.
We are a whole, to finally have open eyes and see how numb I have been to all the hurt that I have caused you left me in a state of despondent.
I am disappointed in myself, I am angry with myself. I should be but I will not allow myself to did this hole I let myself get trapped into.
I’m done talking to myself, I am done feeling sorry for myself.
All that talk were just words spoken with untruthfulness. It’s a shame.
It’s a real shame.
It really made me happy to hear you say that you actually see progress.
There may be change but I know I must walk the walk.
If I do talk I must follow up with walking upon those words I say.
I wasn’t putting in so much effort into our marriage which only is leading you to feel gassed out.
I’m sorry it took this long…
It takes two, together we need to put effort into us. Let me show you I can take that extra weight you have been carrying around. Let me show you I am the one.
I am the one here to show you that will put in my part and extra if I have to.
I only want to help my wife, my marriage.
You want life to be simple, I will do my best to do so being one of the most complex human beings.
Simple is how life should be, I really made things so much more complicated than they really were.
I hope I have shown more progress, I hope I have been following through with what I say.
I’m not perfect, I know that and you don’t expect perfection.
You need honesty, affection, love and care. I’m doing my best, in so over “trying” now, I am doing.
I have made mistakes and will make more but I will give you all of the things needed in a marriage.
You’re my main priority, my number one. My queen will reign in our kingdom with a king that has taken responsibility for his mistakes, whether they be minor or major.
I will give maximum effort into building our kingdom together. In our marriage I only hope there be growth.
My queen, don’t let go, I’m still holding on so tightly…