Responsibilities Taken By A King

Friday, May 12th 2017; 12:15pm 
Personally, there has been a huge change in me. In my attitude, my drive and my mood. I am motivated. 

Man, I really had myself believing I was doing better and changing..
All that talk, that’s all it was. I made promises I know I couldn’t follow through with. How pathetic, believing all of my own lies. 

Hurting my wife was all I was doing, I really do and always have loved her; I always will. 
Consumed by my selfishness has built walls between my wife and I. 
I am at fault, I always have been. 

I ran out of sorry ass excuses, I ran out of boundaries of my wife’s trust. 

I never want her to feel insecure, unconfident or ever hate herself. 

There is blood in my hands, so much blood. 
I pointed the finger elsewhere when she asked about the crimson red blood on my hands..

This blood is crimson red from all of he lies, excuses and betrayal. 
I pointed and. Lanes things that were transparent, just made up. 

Finally, I have pointed out the true villain. A finger dripping with blood pointed directly at the man in the mirror. 
It saddens me coming to realize how much destruction I have caused. 
The pain I caused to the one I truly love from the selfishness, addiction and neglectfulness really just struck me down. 

I can’t say I feel your pain baby, but I am done with causing you pain. 
We are a whole, to finally have open eyes and see how numb I have been to all the hurt that I have caused you left me in a state of despondent. 

I am disappointed in myself, I am angry with myself. I should be but I will not allow myself to did this hole I let myself get trapped into.
I’m done talking to myself, I am done feeling sorry for myself.

All that talk were just words spoken with untruthfulness. It’s a shame. 
It’s a real shame. 

It really made me happy to hear you say that you actually see progress.
There may be change but I know I must walk the walk. 

If I do talk I must follow up with walking upon those words I say. 

I wasn’t putting in so much effort into our marriage which only is leading you to feel gassed out. 
I’m sorry it took this long…

It takes two, together we need to put effort into us. Let me show you I can take that extra weight you have been carrying around. Let me show you I am the one. 
I am the one here to show you that will put in my part and extra if I have to.
I only want to help my wife, my marriage. 

You want life to be simple, I will do my best to do so being one of the most complex human beings. 
Simple is how life should be, I really made things so much more complicated than they really were. 

I hope I have shown more progress, I hope I have been following through with what I say. 
I’m not perfect, I know that and you don’t expect perfection. 
You need honesty, affection, love and care. I’m doing my best, in so over “trying” now, I am doing. 

I have made mistakes and will make more but I will give you all of the things needed in a marriage. 
You’re my main priority, my number one. My queen will reign in our kingdom with a king that has taken responsibility for his mistakes, whether they be minor or major.
I will give maximum effort into building our kingdom together. In our marriage I only hope there be growth. 
My queen, don’t let go, I’m still holding on so tightly…
Signed, 
ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH. 

 

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I Am Only TheMessenger 

Im trying to spread my words! Not only does writing help me but I hope maybe it might help others! 
Honestly i’m not always positive but thats okay. Life is all ups and downs. How you look at life is crucial. 
Yes, the world is a fucked up place but that depends on how you view it. 

I want to be the messenger to those who want/need to look at life differently. 
I don’t want people to think I have all these answers or that I am doing what is right or even think that I’m superior. 
I want to be that voice in your head when you read my words, gently whispered, only leaving an echo. 
I am the messenger, I am the voice. My thoughts, my opinions, my life written in words for my own therapy. 
In my words as I write, I hear the voice in my head. In my words read by whomever, is only heard in their own voice in their head. They have their own opinions. 
You can agree or disagree, my writings may influence those who read. That’s not the reason why I write. I write because it influences me, it drives me and ultimately it motivates me. 
This is my therapy, this is my outlet. So much can influence you, but only you can be the one to execute whatever it may be. 
I found my voice, with the voice of a messenger I will whisper an idea gently, leaving an echo lingering in your mind. 
An echo of influence.
Will that echo influence that voice in your head to believe in yourself? Will that gentle echo dissipate to your own voice, flooding out all that self doubt? 
I’m only a messenger, my words are engraved stepping stones. It is only up to you if you take those steps or not. 
Signed, 
ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH. 

All I Ever Wanted To Be. 

I can write a love letter. 
I can write a love song. 
But I need to write something that is better, something that doesn’t sound so wrong.
Play an acoustic, maybe a beat. 
I need to get with it, make something sound neat. I need to make my sound complete, nothing like me sounding like I’m at defeat.
I can tell a story about love, just falling right into love. But I have my whole life to do these things, to explain love completely. 

This isn’t a rant about love, it’s about life. All the strife and all I’ve seen and everything in between. 
So look, I’m a person, a human being just trying to live with what I have and do what I can. Even if it sounds wrong I know my words will live on.
They call me, ThoseMeaningfulWords, what a gift, yet I think it’s nothing but thoughts that are a blessing and a curse. 

Good or bad, whatever your opinions are. I’m feeling, I’m feeling something. All these emotion, feelings and all. 
In life I will fail; In life I will succeed. Through it all I will achieve all I ever wanted to be. 

Signed,
ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH.

Dream or Reality? 

As you lay, so quietly next to me, I listen to each breath you take as if I’m keeping count. Focused in, baby snores from time to time causing me to get a silly smirk as I lightly chuckle.

TV has been background noise, too curious about the place you’ve gone to. As I play with your hair your eyes crack open ever so slightly but you’re on auto pilot, still asleep.
You’re safe, dream on my precious, when you wake Its another chance to seize whatever you dream to achieve.

Inhale, exhale. It’s like a metronome. I pull you in close, breathe you in and realize we are synced. Heart beat is calm and in rhythm, as your breathing stays a beautiful melody.

Eyes begin to get heavier and heavier.
Moments later, the alarm goes off.

Was that all a dream? Or is reality much more memorable than my dreams now? In dreams or in reality, the force of my attraction to you is so strong making dreams and reality one in the same.

Signed,

ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH.

Author To The Manual Of Life.

Being up to par with society or others standards shouldn’t be a thing you should ever contemplate.

You have your own opinion. You have a choice.
Build your own empire and experience the things here.
Embrace the opportunities given to us, we all have a choice to reach our full potential. 

Do not shy away from opportunities that seem intimidating or have you second guessing yourself. You know what you want, you know what you need.
There will always be obstacles throughout this journey, these obstacles are the things that actually help us grow and learn.

Others may say what is right and what is wrong but no one is living the same life.
No ones reality is the same, so who are they to say what is right from wrong.
Society/Media can set their “standards” for whatever they think beautiful is.
Whatever is cool, creative and what EVERYBODY is doing.

Do not fall in line.
Do not fall for what someone else thinks what you should do, think or believe.
There are too many people that want to fit in, fall right into the hole Society dug up for those that are insecure. Now they are stuck with the Media; seems to be reruns of nothing but false pretenses.

You have a mind of your own, use it.
You have your own emotions, opinions and choice in life. There is no manual to this temporary trip here on earth. Don’t listen to those who were given the same empty book full of only blank pages, just like you were given.

Why aren’t there any words?

I asked the same thing. While you become frustrated and sit around waiting for someone to tell you what to do and how to do it on each and every page, I went and found myself a pen and began writing.

The only difference is the one given to me now consists of paragraphs filled with nothing but raw emotion, personal opinions and thoughts. Scribbled chicken scratch, yes but i scribbled that chicken scratch.

I am the author.

As they speak condescendingly to you, reciting those memorized scribbles from “their” manual which aren’t even their own, just listen to them.
Sounds crazy right? Why would anyone want to be spoken to in such a way or even bother putting yourself in a position that is possibly confrontational.

I’m not afraid to listen to whoever about whatever.
You won’t believe or agree with everything i think, say or do.
I won’t believe or agree with everything you think, say or do.
A discussion between two individuals with different beliefs, opinions, emotions and lifestyle may be conflicting but knowledgeable.

In conclusion, Society/Media will always be there, doing their thing.
Don’t conform, you are an individual. You are in control.
Listen well to others, respond accordingly and have an interactive conversation or argument. You may learn something, relate to somethings or even help someone.
Even if that someone is yourself.

I am the author.
No matter how many times you see my scribbled out words, misspelled words and torn out pages just know that is what i wrote or didn’t to be written.
Yes, i have influences that drive me to write this manual of my life.

I listened up, had many conversations.
Human interactions, experiences and relationships are the key to growth in this life.

Society/Media are having you hit copy and paste into your manual.Don’t be a word in that plagiarized manual. Be your own author, write your own story.

Signed,

ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH.

Oh, Sweet Ocean. 

I’m drowning, the waves crash over me. The waves are taking me under. The current is too strong right now.

How do I beat it? I can tread the water, I can swim in this storm but it’s pulling me under. I can’t breathe.

Oh sweet ocean, I have known you since birth. You have gave me life. I was born in the waters of a hurricane long ago.
I was created in a storm, a disaster that only created a being of smiles, jokes and laughter. How can such a tragedy make such a being?
I guess a storm can be beautiful. Such a sweet catastrophe. Wave by wave, I live by that. Second by second, mad or sad, the water is where I live.

I live wherever the current takes me.

Unconditionally I will be an infinite flow of smiles, joy and laughter taken with drowning in blue, burning as hot as the sun with rage and going deep into the abyss where I can never be found.

I was a boy born in a hurricane of chaos only adapted, grew and learned from the lack of oxygen while drowning and treading with all I had after being hit wave by wave.

This boy trusted his strength, found land and only realized the ocean is not perfect. There will always be storms, whether they be destructive storms or just a little rain.
The storms have came and went and they always will.

This boy has grown to a man now who is strong, prepared and well aware that his beautiful ocean made him grow with each and every storm.

To all of those drowning or struggling in a storm, trust your strength. Tread, just keep treading.

Land will come soon.

The current may not always be going the same way or be the safest way but I do know you’ll find land.

You’ll get your breather, catch your breath. Don’t rely on land just because you feel safe. The storms are coming, they always will.

Recover and dive in this beautiful ocean we call life. Yes, the rain will come down hard, the waves can get big and it may seem impossible to survive but that’s if you let yourself believe that it can’t be done.

I’m still treading, I’m still breathing. I’m still struggling but always finding those islands of relief.

I drowned from time to time when waves crash over me repeatedly.
I struggle when the current changes directions and becomes too strong.

Oh sweet ocean, you’ve shown me destruction and beauty.
Oh sweet ocean, you suffocate me and remind me how to breath.

Oh sweet ocean, you remind me of me.

Signed,
ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH.

Enlightenment. 

I feel like I have always wanted to reach the level of enlightenment took quite some time but it seems as if I have finally mentally and emotionally reincarnated. 

I was so oblivious, careless, self destructive and lifeless. That will happen when you allow yourself to fall into that deep dark abyss lurking in your mind.

It was as if I was on auto pilot at times, leading my parishable vessel to nosedive right into complete oblivion. 

I am mortal, I can’t survive everything and will have to face the inevitable. 

There is no more fear of the inevitable in me, I am finally set free from the shackles that were  so tightly restraining me to the nightmare I imprisoned myself in. 

I don’t want to live forever, I want to be remembered and make some sort of mark while I am here, memories were made and are still to be made. 

I see now, what we do here, what we improve, what we destroy, how many lives we touch will become a memory. Might be a good one, might be a bad one but after we pass we will only be living through memories of those effected by us. 

Mistakes were made by all of us, how you recover after will show a lot of character. Everyone has their own personal belief of where we go after we leave our vessel here on earth. 

Heaven, hell, whatever it may be is your own beliefs. No one should tell you what to believe in.                            I say this because what I believe in is myself. No, I’m not being conceded or self righteous, not at all. 

You see, what I believe is while I am here on earth growing, learning and experiencing, I am the one in control. No one can tell you who you are, what to think, how to feel, that’s only if you allow them to manipulate your mind. 

You see, 24 years of living here in this human vessel, I allowed so many people and so much in my past  to influence my perception of reality.

A reality that I had a personal choice on how to view it and how to live in it. Free will, we all have it, still people have others run their life.

Life got blurry, life just began to speed up while I slowed down. I just never tried to catch up with what was going on, my perception needed some work. 

Living my life in negative ways that could have been prevented.              My perception needed some support, with a simple idea, whispered in my head.

This soft whisper, one that could have or has been ignored or spoken over by others was the cause of this enlightenment. 

It grew, that distant whisper.
It was becoming more familiar.    Now I hear the voice clearly, it’s mine. 

A voice repressed by the influences, experiences and most of all lack of independence made others voices infect my thoughts, emotions and beliefs with their personal beliefs and morals. 

People pray and practice what they believe in, it gives them hope throughout this life until the unknown transition to where they personally believe they go to. 

No one should say anyone’s beliefs are wrong, we won’t ever know where they go, we just know where we go ourselves. Yet we will have those self righteous people knock you on wjat you believe but get mad she. You counter their ignorance…

Someone once told me, 

“Enlightenment will be achieved once I get to heaven” 

I didn’t think much of it but if that is the case, enlightenment was achieved just a few days ago.

This Enlightenment caused me to see the world completely differently than I use to. All caused by a voice within I wasn’t too familiar with. 

As I began to listen to the voice I began to realize things getting better, things got done that usually never get done and I started seeing things in ways I’ve never  seen before. 

Intrigued and accepting to the clearness in my views of life now made me smile as I heard *my voice* in my head proudly say,

“You did this, You’re in control.” 

Enlightenment has been achieved.

Pondering through my life in just a few moments I come up with a personal opinion on life, death, heaven and hell. 

Honestly, religion always made me think and question a lot.
We all expire, everyone’s time will come.
We are gifted with the opportunity to live.

Be aware of where you are, take it all in. We mustn’t worry, we all face the end. Embrace the time you have here, build your own world. 

Your perception, I believe, influences the most in your life.
Fear, hate, being guarded, and the lack of those who aren’t open minded can take over the mind real quick of an individual after a traumatic event or betrayal etc. 

Things will not always be good and vice versa with being bad. These experiences cause you to create it to be heaven or hell because of emotions and thoughts. 

Look, no one has to agree with me, I am just putting my opinion out there.

You see, what I am trying to say is, i don’t know if there is a god or not, don’t push anything down my throat.
I have discussed about a lot of religion. I listen to that hope or “enlightenment” from others to hear what people believe in. 

When I talk about my spirituality and beliefs to someone with religion I feel judged and also have been told that I call myself higher than god or that it’s blasphemy and the. I’m spoken to very condescendingly.

Funny isn’t it?

Those who speak to me as if I am thinking I am greater than god, go ahead and speak to me as if they are greater than me..

I listened and discussed with many people practicing many religions even with those who don’t believe in a god. 

Great theories, thoughts, beliefs and stories I have heard. 

Those discussions with those who practice religion had few moments where I got to discuss about my beliefs before being cut off, got laughed at or ignored and spoken over. 

I’m not mad, but I’ll put this in perspective. 

Someone to point the finger at someone and say they are self righteous, conceded, honestly anything along those lines and then turn out to be the one to boast about themselves preach what they believe about love, acceptance, forgiveness etc etc and go around and laugh at others beliefs…not going to waste my energy in an argument. 

You can talk over me or anyone else as loud as you want, doesn’t mean you’re being heard. Before you point your finger, dislike someone or disagree with someone, maybe listen for once..

If you listened to someone else for once you might see that simply being open minded, having basic manners and consideration can open up to an exchange of knowledge, experiences, thoughts, feelings and beliefs with another human, leading to you helping them or them helping you. 

To those that have or will call me self righteous for believing in myself, I must ask, would you rather expect someone to do everything for you? Think for you? Tell you when and how to do things? Sorry, I haven’t forgotten about my free will, i will be an individual and will live and learn. 

All I have to say is I’m the one listening attentively, comprehending conversations giving reasonable and valid responses. If you don’t want to listen and just have a one way conversation with yourself, you’re missing out. 

What I’ve seen, heard and felt throughout these encounters, experiences and conversations has only benefited for my own personal growth. Personal acceptance. 

I am enlightened. 

Signed, 

ThoseMeaningfulWords. VH.